Bennacht Counseling and Consulting, LLC
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featuring
Susan R. Moeder, MA, NCC, LMHC
Watch this blog for a discussion of current events or other topics related to mental health issues.
An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure
In an article titled, "5th sex assault report at IU since August boosts patrols" (Fort Wayne Journal Gazette, 11/12/10), the Associated Press reports that IU Bloomington campus police have increased patrols and are offering women free self-defense classes after a fifth sexual assault was reported since classes began in August, 2010. This article further states that 21 "forcible sexual offenses" were reported on the IU Bloomington campus in 2009 according to the U. S. Department of Education. Nancy Stockton, the director of the IU counseling center and sexual assault hotline, is quoted as saying that the majority of sexual assaults go unreported or students don't seek help. IU police Sgt. Leslie Slone is quoted as saying that (sexual assault) can happen anywhere: city, college campus, rural area; and "awareness is your best friend".
As I prepare for the Saturday Seminar, "A Guide to Personal Safety on Campus and on the Town", I have been reflecting on my tenure as a sexual assault counselor, and I am struck by a number of points made in this article:
1. It is very distressing that 21 sexual assaults were reported on campus in 2009 and 5 sexual assaults were reported in less than three months in 2010. It is good that free self-defense classes are now being offered to women on campus, but I also think male students need to be included in these self-defense classes. Campus assaults, of any kind, can happen to ALL students and ALL students need to be prepared.
2. However, physical self-defense only helps once an assault is in progress. A pro-active approach that focuses on environmental, social, and interpersonal awareness to avoid or to prevent assault is clearly the best plan for your physical and emotional well-being.
3. It is equally distressing that the vast majority of sexual assaults go unreported. Based on my clinical experience, I have to agree that this is the case everywhere sexual assault happens...and it happens everywhere. Most often people are too afraid, too ashamed, too embarrassed, or too confused to ask for help. Sexual assault is NEVER the victim's fault, regardless of the circumstances; and a victim needs proper medical attention and emotional support, immediately, even if s/he does not wish to report the crime to the police. Friends and family of a victim are a vital support in getting this necessary help. It is important to know how to respond if you or someone you know is assaulted.
The Saturday Seminar "A Guide to Personal Safety on Campus and on the Town" www.bennacht.com/SaturdaySeminars.aspx is open to everyone and will address pro-active ways to avoid and to minimize the likelihood of assault and ways to respond if you or someone you know is harmed. See you there.
Fathers Are Under-rated as Parents and Mentors
As Father's Day approaches, I want to support and encourage all the great dads I know, and don't know, who oftentimes under-value their vital role in raising and mentoring children...their own and others.
Traditionally, the "dad" is expected to earn a living to support his family "in a manner to which they have become accustomed", to be the disciplinarian of misbehaving children, to do the yardwork, home repairs, car maintenance, bug squashing, and outdoor grilling. OK, the grilling can be fun and tasty, but the other "dad" expectations are largely cumbersome, monotonous, and uninspiring, and can leave a dad feeling like Mr. Banker, Mr. Mean, and Mr. Fix-It with his children while Mom gets all the credit for positive parenting. And, by the way, single moms and dads certainly earn that credit.
But, to those dads who are co-parenting with a spouse/partner and who may think their greatest role as a dad is provider, punisher, and fixer, you have a much broader, more relevant, and less "material" role in what your children "get" from you.
As dads, you teach your son(s) and daughter(s) how they should treat themselves and others, and how others should treat them. Children are sponges, and they absorb EVERY SINGLE THING you say and do. Your children will model your behavior, for better or for worse, in every circumstance and relationship they are in.
Therefore, dads teach critical male behavior that both sons and daughters carry with them into adulthood. So, if you want your children to grow up to be respectful, patient, tolerant, persistent, compassionate, considerate, affectionate, generous, humble, confident, responsible, reliable, honest, strong, assertive, playful, healthy, happy people, they'll follow your lead. This is a sobering "dad" responsibility, indeed. If you are a naturally good male role model, thank your dad, and share your talent with kids who don't have one. If your actions don't stack up to your words, find a positive male role model and go to school on him. You and your children will do better for it.
Being a dad is hard work, but so important for your children. Make sure your life is balanced with work and recreation and your discipline is consistent, constructive, and non-violent with yourself, your children, and others. When you must correct your children, bridle your hands and mouth and give them a quick and easy way back into your affection. Honestly, that's where you and your children want to be! Keep up the good work, and Happy Father's Day!
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Disclaimer:
The opinions, findings, recommendations, or conclusions expressed by any author in this blog do not necessarily reflect the views of Bennacht Counseling and Consulting, LLC. This blog is for discussion purposes only, and it is not intended to evaluate, diagnose, or treat any specific condition or situation. Individuals should consult a qualified professional to evaluate, diagnose, or treat any specific condition or situation. If an individual has a personal emergency, please call 911 for immediate assistance.
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